Elephant graveyard found south of Gainesville

Yeah, it's pretty rare I'm genuinely jealous of someone else's joke. But shit, that was almost a year ago and it immediately popped into my head still. Quality

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/8vBG9uusKBk?feature=share

 

My favorite fossil find of all time - the response from The Smithsonian:

Paleoanthropology Division Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

• 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

• 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

• 3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
  
  
  
  
  • A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
    
    
    
    
  • B. Clams don't have teeth.
  
  
  It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

 

Leg bone of something short and heavy. All I got.

 

It's the first/only bone I've ever found. I had to google how to tell it if it was an actual a fossil and someone said lick it... If your tongue sticks to it, it's probably a fossil.. well.. I tried it, lol. It definitely stuck, and I'm assuming because it is microscopically porous? Seemed silly. It felt even sillier licking the dang thing. It sounds like ceramic if you tap it against glass, a coffee mug, etc. I think it's a fossil. It was found in the bottom of a privately owned spring in Alachua County. My GF's me shit and tells me that it came from someone's KFC bucket of chicken.

 

Really cool find. Thanks for the story. But elephant graveyard? Just make sure there aren't any hyenas around.

 

I thought the thread title meant that a bunch of Republicans were found buried south of Gainesville.

That's what I would call suppressing the vote.

 

have you not seen sharknado?