Not particularly too hot, but may be of interest to some here. Very often our discussions here feel like intersecting monologues rather than back and forth conversations. The Science of Having a Great Conversation IF YOU’VE EVER spoken to someone and later felt that you would have better spent your time talking to a brick wall, you’ll surely identify with the observations of Rebecca West. “There is no such thing as conversation,” the novelist and literary critic wrote in her collection of stories, The Harsh Voice. “It is an illusion. There are intersecting monologues, that is all.” If someone feels that their conversations have left no impression on those around them, then that is the definition of existential isolation. You’ve probably experienced this on a bad date, at an awful dinner party, or during an interminable family gathering. Psychological research has identified many habits and biases that impose barriers between ourselves and others—and if we wish to have greater connection with the people around us, we must learn how to overcome them. The good news is that corrections are very easy to put into practice. Tiny tweaks to our conversational style can bring enormous benefits.
I am going to ignore the advice in the article and make my response to it about me, lol. I like to think I'm a good listener most of the time. I can find enjoyment in substantive discussions with almost anyone. I do admit to getting weary with people who tend to tell long, meandering stories about things I consider mundane, such as having to hear about each errand someone ran that day with no end or point in sight. Does anybody here like to tell stories like that, and can you explain why?!
Planes Trains And Automobiles Script - transcript from the screenplay and/or Steve Martin and John Candy movie You got a free cab, a free room, and someone who will listen to your boring stories. Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some clue that this guy's not enjoying it? Everything's not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that. They're not even amusing accidentally. Honey, meet Del Griffith. He's got some amusing anecdotes. Here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it. I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could listen to them go on and on. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take anything." You know what they'd say? "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy."It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. There should be a string on your chest that I pull out. Except I wouldn't pull it out, you would. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! By the way, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea. Have a point. It makes it more interesting for the listener.
"Seek first to understand, THEN to be understood." --Stephen R. Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (and the habit which has generated the most love/gotten the most play, with many seminars being dedicated to it). "Begin with praise, and honest appreciation... smile... don't criticize, condemn or complain... become genuinely interested in other ppl... remember that a person's name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language..." --Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People. ^^^You're welcome. NB: Great advice for the real world--but this is no place for such. In fact, the opposite is what this place is for.
Would have loved to have had a few more movies with Steve Martin and John Candy together. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles was outstanding!
I remember a bit from The Dialectic of Enlightenment about how conversation was in decline, and people were turning to card games to mask the silence. That was written in 1947. I'm not sure there is anything 'scientific' per se about a conversation, but there are unwritten rules that must be respected.
If you believe TH is anywhere near the reality of most normal folks…man that is very surprising to me.
Ha. What I’m asking is why the humans on here are not entitled to the respect of the humans out there in the real world. After all, we are the same humans. You are an actual physical person who shops at the grocery store. Are you not entitled to people wanting to understand you just because we happened to meeting online instead of at the grocery?
The humans in the grocery store usually don’t cut in front of me and throw old fruit in my face and then say…you’re white and privileged so you deserved that. My example of bad behavior is similar to how people are treated in TH. And yes, I’ve learned that many libbies believe this. What should be and what is are two very different things.
You know Bluke, this is the same answer I came up with. It seems like this isn’t the place for understanding others because those others aren’t trying to understand me. But then I ask, what would they answer if we asked them the same question. And I think we can both guess that they would deliver the same answer that we did. They are just returning the behavior that they are receiving. So all told, it appears we have an example of circular causation. This isn’t a place for kind behavior because this isn’t a place for kind behavior. If so, maybe us behaving better would turn this into a place that deserves the better behavior. Just an idea.
