It’s sad it’s come to this. Hurtful all the way around. Gotta wonder who is in his ear pushing this narrative. It’s not an ambiguous thing….. and can be proven one way or the other fairly easily. One side is going to come out of this looking pretty foolish
This was from Ohers book 10 years ago. So much for him just discovering he wasn’t adopted and was in a conservatorship: “There was one major event that happened right after I graduated high school: I became a legal member of the Tuohy family,” Oher wrote. “It felt kind of like a formality, as I’d been a part of the family for more than a year at that point.” “Since I was already over the age of eighteen and considered an adult by the state of Tennessee, Sean and Leigh Anne would be named as my ‘legal conservators,’” he wrote. “They explained to me that it means pretty much the exact same thing as ‘adoptive parents,’ but that the laws were just written in a way that took my age into account,” Oher added. “Honestly, I didn’t care what it was called. I was just happy that no one could argue that we weren’t legally what we already knew was real: We were a family.”
That shows very much the opposite. It shows that his understanding was that it was akin to an adoption, which they couldn't do due to his age. It is not akin to an adoption, and they could have adopted him. They didn't. I'm not sure how you think this reflects well on them. Nothing stopped them from adopting Oher. And the very fact that they led him to believe that was what they wanted, when he clearly wanted it, and then never went further than a conservatorship is sad.
I didn’t say it reflects well on them. I suspect you are right, Oher at least partially just didn’t understand this stuff very well. As I mentioned in a prior post, I’m not really sure what to make of the whole adoption/conservatorship thing. I don’t see any evidence that is was used in an exploitive way towards Oher. Was the intent to protect him, or was it used more in a deceptive way, via the NCAA, to avoid potential recruiting violations? I’m not sure. I also think it is plausible they didn’t adopt because they didn’t see any legal or practical benefit to it, whereas to Oher eventually to be technically adopted may have been more emotionally important to him.
Hugh Freeze weighs in, who was Ohers coach in high school ‘I know what I witnessed’: Auburn’s Freeze on Michael Oher’s petition against Tuohys
This kind of reminds me of mike Tyson and Cus D’Amato situation. Don King sold Mike on Cus financially abusing him and then just financially raped him for years.
My understanding is that he claims didn’t know about the conservatorship until very recently, doesn’t seem to be true. Did he not know the definition, maybe. Seems his real beef was being financially taken advantage of, and I’m yet to see anything that indicted he was unknowingly exploited for movie proceeds or in any other way.
That makes it deceptive, if not exploitative. That's not actually what he said. From the article in the OP: "The lie of Michael's adoption is one upon which Co-Conservators Leigh Anne Tuohy and Sean Tuohy have enriched themselves at the expense of their Ward, the undersigned Michael Oher," the legal filing says. "Michael Oher discovered this lie to his chagrin and embarrassment in February of 2023, when he learned that the Conservatorship to which he consented on the basis that doing so would make him a member of the Tuohy family, in fact provided him no familial relationship with the Tuohys."
Of course that purposely vague language is exactly what a plaintiff attorney would say. As someone who has taken the father role of a now 17yo who never met her bio dad and her mom is a complete disaster, I had to take a multitude of legal steps to insulate myself from various potential pitfalls. For those Reasons, and based on Ga law I did not legally adopt her. That missing document has not made her any less part of my family and it’s a shame Oher is going this route. Yes of course I don’t know the details but I know very well what potential gotchas there are legally and financially and can understand the use of a conservatorship for Mr Oher. Sucks for everyone, I empathize with both sides. I know my 17yo can lash out at me even though I’m the only person in her life that has ever given Her unconditional love, but as the Tuohys know and anyone working with trouble kids knows, it can be a rough ride but you love them anyway.
If you told that 17 year old that you were planning to adopt her and make her officially part of your family, I imagine she'd be quite upset if she found out years later that you merely gave yourself power to contract on her behalf and never actually adopted her or established any sort of official familial tie.
Well then Leigh Anne Tuohy is a big fat liar. She told Big Mike that if he ever got someone pregnant she would cut off his penis. And then SJ said "she means it".
Maybe…..I’ve lived this for 11 years and have plenty of experience of a very similar situation..:.. at one time I planned on adopting her, But was advised against it by multiple family law legal and financial experts. Per your example and as she got older, Hopefully she would be able to maturely reflect back and understand based on her bio mom and what exposure I would have had and understand I made the best decisions I could based on information I had. In the case of my premature demise any financial benefits she would get from our relationship wouldn’t be paid out to her until she was over 30 and based on her specific performance criteria and each year thereafter( in other words if she was a mess and lazy she would get $0). . Does that make me a monster for not giving her a bunch of money at 21,22,23? Or does that make me wise to what trouble it would cause her. Of course you could be right and OHer was taken advantage of, but it doesn’t appear so and none of it makes any sense as to motivation and timing now. Nobody is making a movie or book about my daughters struggles, but they did and I controlled it i would keep any windfall away from her until later, absent money she needed for the most basic forms of sustenance.
So he lived with and loved them as family and proclaimed that he was glad to be part of their family. What does a piece of paper have to do with that? He felt like family and either they thought of and treated him as family or the whole Touhy family are excellent and deceptive actors.
Outside of the allegations regarding the book and movie, the truth of which will come out soon with proper accounting, are there any allegations that the Tuohy’s misused the conservatorship to either hinder Oher or to enrich themselves? In this day and age in which we accept all kinds of family arrangements, it seems to me the important thing is how did the Tuohy’s treat Oher through high school and afterwards, versus what any particular legal status was.
There is no maybe. The answer is yes. Don't lie to the kid. Don't tell her, "I want to adopt you to make you part of the family" and then mislead her into believing that a conservatorship is an adoption and never adopt her. That's easy for you to say. You're not the football prodigy who spent large chunks of your childhood homeless and in foster care. You have this wealthy family say they care about you, they want you to be part of their family, and they are going to officially make you part of the family. You then find out that they had you sign documents that allowed them to use your name to benefit themselves without making you part of their family, that they could have made you part of the family officially and chose not to do so, and you don't seem to have made the money you should have off your own life story (that painted you in a light you found insulting). If you can't understand why Oher feels betrayed and suspicious of everything, I don't know what more to say. When they took him in and offered to "adopt" him, he was already a star athlete. I completely understand why he feels deceived, used, and suspicious, even if he's ultimately wrong about the money. (I wouldn't be surprised if the movie studio is the actor that ripped everybody off.)
People seem to be using the words conservatorship and guardianship interchangeably? Is there any legal distinction there? I didn't read the book or see the movie so I feel behind the curve on this, but I don't recall ever hearing about adults being put under a conservatorship or guardianship absent situations where there's a lack of capacity. Whole thing is very confusing to me.
At this point we are debating for debating sake, but that’s what we do here. As to the point of the Touhy motivations, were they primarily admirable in done for the benefit of Oher, or were they more self serving in trying to get him into Ole Miss, I can’t possibly know. I suspect it is a little bit of both. I do think it is plausible they thought for various reasons this was in his best interests. One contradiction I see in your arguments. You want to see Oher as a victim, but at the same time you want to believe he is normal in terms of cognitive ability and emotional maturity. To me, it has to be one of the other. Either he is a completely normal guy, understands what was going on, and nonetheless is doing this with selfish and deliberate intent, or he isn’t normal, doesn’t understand what was setup, and is gullible, which tends to support the idea that the setup was in his best interests.
Also, regardless of their motivations it appears they still provided a stable, healthy home with all his needs taken care of.
Father wanted nothing to do with him. Mother was a crack addicted self absorbed whacko. Kid was tossed around and then taken in by the Touhys who allowed him to flourish and become an NFL player. They sound awful.
