Update: Kelly buzz..."The Thread" Hall of Fame bound.

crl · Nov 20, 2017

wargunfan said: ↑

Try to go up I-4 from Orlando to Disney Springs at 5pm on a Friday. I've been on the 405 in LA. Orlando can be just as bad.
Click to expand...

The difference is the traffic on the 405 is pretty much 24/7. Not the case in Orlando though their traffic does suck now. Of course Miami and other places in Florida have shitty traffic during rush hour also. That's why I try to avoid those places. Gainesville not to those levels yet.

AthensGator · Nov 20, 2017

GatorDad63 said: ↑

I went to Home Depot today while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.. You see, last night I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off..
Here's the thing. I had awakened this morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.. No 'Watson's Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being tools and such for my crews. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh you know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Crap, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the tool section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny.. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my a$$ is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b!tch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Made it back to work without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat for lunch but the leftover chili I had brought, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Ba$tard$ claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
Click to expand...

I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. It took about ten min to read it to my wife. My stomach hurts from laughing.

JBPGator · Nov 20, 2017

evermoresg · Nov 20, 2017

strulock said: ↑

What's durian candy?
Click to expand...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durian

Durian is an odoriferous fruit from SE Asia; it was candy made from the fruit. Very sweet, but smells like a mix between gasoline and the stinkiest dirty socks imaginable.

g8rb0b · Nov 20, 2017

Anybody else on this thread up in Birmingham...aka enemy territory?!

crl · Nov 20, 2017

g8rb0b said: ↑

Anybody else on this thread up in Birmingham...aka enemy territory?!
Click to expand...

My brother lives there. Why do you ask?

brunzca · Nov 20, 2017

strulock said: ↑

What's durian candy?
Click to expand...

Durian fruit is a common fruit in Southeast Asia. To people unfamiliar to it, it usually evokes feelings of utter disgust. One food writer said: “its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock.” You are not even allowed to bring this stuff in to hospitals or hotels in South East Asia. In Singapore, they have signs that forbid you from taking it on the public transport system (see here). That is how disgusting it is. So, it makes a lot of sense to make candy out of it. Not.

Rowdy_Reptile · Nov 20, 2017

GatorDad63 said: ↑

I went to Home Depot today while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.. You see, last night I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off..
Here's the thing. I had awakened this morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.. No 'Watson's Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being tools and such for my crews. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh you know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Crap, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the tool section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny.. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my a$$ is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b!tch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Made it back to work without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat for lunch but the leftover chili I had brought, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Ba$tard$ claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
Click to expand...

Funniest thing I have ever read......was laughing so hard that I shit my pants!

DieAGator · Nov 20, 2017

GatorDad63 said: ↑

I went to Home Depot today while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.. You see, last night I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off......................

...............................Made it back to work without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat for lunch but the leftover chili I had brought, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Ba$tard$ claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
Click to expand...

After 700 pages this thread really needed a breath of fresh air.

Props GatorDad63.

gatorbate91 · Nov 20, 2017

Rowdy_Reptile said: ↑

Funniest thing I have ever read......was laughing so hard that I shit my pants!
Click to expand...

I was fine with horse nipples

flat ronnie · Nov 20, 2017

Wanna talk about Corral and how he's been acting during this process?

He's been very vocal on social media about it. Apparently today made a comment on Instagram that he's not visiting this weekend unless we have a coach.

Thoughts ??

Nicho · Nov 20, 2017

My theory on this whole thing is that Chip signed but didn't date the contract, and Stricklin & Co. agreed to wait until after the season to fully execute it. This would give them the confidence that he will be coach yet allow him to remain compliant with any clauses in his NFL contract. It would also make the insider reports that "Chip signed" accurate.

AthensGator · Nov 20, 2017

evermoresg said: ↑

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durian

Durian is an odoriferous fruit from SE Asia; it was candy made from the fruit. Very sweet, but smells like a mix between gasoline and the stinkiest dirty socks imaginable.
Click to expand...

Ugh, I have had durian during some time in Singapore. They don't allow it to be transported on public transportation and you can't bring it in a public building. It smells like a garbage dump in August. I have no clue why anyone at any time would have ever come across it and said "hey, that smells great" and consume it. The initial taste isn't THAT bad. The texture is WORSE than the smell. Think of what might happen to a ripe bananas if you left it out on a sidewalk all day in August. But as bad as the smell and texture is, the after taste is the worst part, and it doesn't go away. Drinking doesn't help, eating something else doesn't help, brushing your teeth doesn't help, mouthwash doesn't help, brushing teeth the next morning doesn't help, coffee doesn't help.....the only cure I found was time, and it took about 12 hours. To say there is no way I would try the candy version is.....not a chance in hell.

evermoresg · Nov 20, 2017

brunzca said: ↑

Durian fruit is a common fruit in Southeast Asia. To people unfamiliar to it, it usually evokes feelings of utter disgust. One food writer said: “its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock.” You are not even allowed to bring this stuff in to hospitals or hotels in South East Asia. In Singapore, they have signs that forbid you from taking it on the public transport system (see here). That is how disgusting it is. So, it makes a lot of sense to make candy out of it. Not.
Click to expand...

It's what I hand out to adults for Halloween

garettk · Nov 20, 2017

GatorDad63 said: ↑

I went to Home Depot today while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.. You see, last night I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off..
Here's the thing. I had awakened this morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.. No 'Watson's Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being tools and such for my crews. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh you know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Crap, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the tool section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny.. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my a$$ is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b!tch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Made it back to work without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat for lunch but the leftover chili I had brought, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Ba$tard$ claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
Click to expand...

My jaws hurt from laughing. Post of the year!

tilly · Nov 20, 2017

Pages: 737
Replies: 14736
Views: 1,009,036

sarcastro72 · Nov 20, 2017

crl said: ↑

The difference is the traffic on the 405 is pretty much 24/7. Not the case in Orlando though their traffic does suck now. Of course Miami and other places in Florida have shitty traffic during rush hour also. That's why I try to avoid those places. Gainesville not to those levels yet.
Click to expand...

Nothing beats trying to drive in Mnhattan

GatorDad63 · Nov 20, 2017

DieAGator · Nov 20, 2017

flat ronnie said: ↑

Thoughts ??
Click to expand...

We'll live. So will he.

flat ronnie · Nov 20, 2017

Nicho said: ↑

My theory on this whole thing is that Chip signed but didn't date the contract, and Stricklin & Co. agreed to wait until after the season to fully execute it. This would give them the confidence that he will be coach yet allow him to remain compliant with any clauses in his NFL contract. It would also make the insider reports that "Chip signed" accurate.
Click to expand...

If he "signed" wouldn't that prevent him from speaking with other teams?

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