Update: Kelly buzz..."The Thread" Hall of Fame bound.

fox · Nov 20, 2017

lakeland_gator said: ↑

Click to expand...

Have you heard anything similar? Believe it?

Gator72211 · Nov 20, 2017

benheb said: ↑

Gotta agree with most of this but beaches in Florida are much better and the scenery is like high quality, unlimited buffet. You’re going to get full and the fact that there may be more food in SC doesn’t matter.
Click to expand...

I’ll take the Cali beaches over Florida beaches any day. Love me some Santa Monica and Venice and there is nothing quite like driving the PCH.

wargunfan · Nov 20, 2017

MarineG8R said: ↑

Holy crap. I haven’t laughed this hard in ages. Well done.
Click to expand...

That particular crap was NOT holy.

ApexNC · Nov 20, 2017

GatorDad63 said: ↑

I went to Home Depot today while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.. You see, last night I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off..
Here's the thing. I had awakened this morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.. No 'Watson's Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being tools and such for my crews. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh you know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Crap, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the tool section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny.. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my a$$ is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b!tch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Made it back to work without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat for lunch but the leftover chili I had brought, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Ba$tard$ claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
Click to expand...

I read this entire post out loud to my family. We were literally in tears laughing so hard.

wargunfan · Nov 20, 2017

GatorDad63 said: ↑

I went to Home Depot today while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.. You see, last night I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off..
Here's the thing. I had awakened this morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.. No 'Watson's Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being tools and such for my crews. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh you know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Crap, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the tool section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny.. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my a$$ is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b!tch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Made it back to work without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat for lunch but the leftover chili I had brought, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Ba$tard$ claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
Click to expand...

At my age I live by two axioms: Never trust a fart and never pass up a bathroom.

icequeen · Nov 20, 2017

Well, gentlemen, I have to be up at 3 for work...so I'd better get some sleep. Try to behave. Oh and @tilly. Don't forget your chapstick. The boys expect a hot kiss

JaxGator75 · Nov 20, 2017

GatorMatt06 said: ↑

Guess I'll just place this UT flight tracker here:
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/N700UT/history/20171120/2102Z/KTYS/KSTF
Click to expand...

Interesting. The same plane has two different flights scheduled at the same time. One to New Hampshire where Chip Kelly lives. Another from Starkeville, MS to Orlando.

https://flightaware.com/photos/view/21873-02fe1d7d148603906e3180f3532566ebb3744fa4/aircrafttype/B350

Gatuar · Nov 20, 2017

GatorMatt06 said: ↑

Guess I'll just place this UT flight tracker here:
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/N700UT/history/20171120/2102Z/KTYS/KSTF
Click to expand...

Wow ... Chipster took us to a nice dinner on Sunday and then went and whored out at the bars after he dropped us off !

brunzca · Nov 20, 2017

icequeen said: ↑

@GatorDad63. Try this next time

Click to expand...

We saw that in some cutsie artsy store at the Town center over the weekend. I may have laughed so hard that I snorted.

lakeland_gator · Nov 20, 2017

fox said: ↑

Have you heard anything similar? Believe it?
Click to expand...

No I have not heard anything similar. Source was asked this morning and this evening, and both times said they feel as strongly as yesterday. They did not know timing of announcement.

stp_gator · Nov 20, 2017

Gatuar said: ↑

Wow ... Chipster took us to a nice dinner on Sunday and then went and whored out at the bars after he dropped us off !
Click to expand...

Hahahaha! Players gonna play!

21 · Nov 20, 2017

DieAGator said: ↑

If Nuss is calling the play what are our chances?
Click to expand...

Not good

Wanne15 · Nov 20, 2017

MarineG8R said: ↑

Holy crap. I haven’t laughed this hard in ages. Well done.
Click to expand...

Never leave home till the coffee takes affect

fox · Nov 20, 2017

JaxGator75 said: ↑

Interesting. The same plane has two different flights scheduled at the same time. One to New Hampshire where Chip Kelly lives. Another from Starkeville, MS to Orlando.

https://flightaware.com/photos/view/21873-02fe1d7d148603906e3180f3532566ebb3744fa4/aircrafttype/B350
Click to expand...

Trolling with flight plans?

GatorDad63 · Nov 20, 2017

GatorMatt06 said: ↑

Guess I'll just place this UT flight tracker here:
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/N700UT/history/20171120/2102Z/KTYS/KSTF
Click to expand...

2 flight plans filed, They are attempting to troll the Gators. the other flight plan goes from Starkville to Orlando. The plane is currently in Smyrna Tn. Hillbilly trolls need to take lessons from Scooter Scoot!

LOL, Their plane has props!

strulock · Nov 20, 2017

GatorDad63 said: ↑

I went to Home Depot today while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.. You see, last night I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off..
Here's the thing. I had awakened this morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.. No 'Watson's Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being tools and such for my crews. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh you know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Crap, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the tool section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny.. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my a$$ is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b!tch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Made it back to work without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat for lunch but the leftover chili I had brought, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Ba$tard$ claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
Click to expand...

I've done some crop-dusting in my time,(I prefer to do it in Walmart for some weiird reason). But I have never evacuated a store. That's the funniest shit I have heard in a long time. Well done man!

wargunfan · Nov 20, 2017

icequeen said: ↑

@GatorDad63. Try this next time

Click to expand...

Never EVER get that stuff on your private parts. It will have you burning for the next hour no matter what you do to get rid of it. Here's the deal; spray first then sit down. Never the reverse. Other than that it works.

Gatorfred · Nov 20, 2017

wargunfan said: ↑

Never EVER get that stuff on your private parts. It will have you burning for the next hour no matter what you do to get rid of it. Other than that it works.
Click to expand...

I am guessing that you didn’t read the instructions before you found this out!

DarthGat0R · Nov 20, 2017

zman-1 said: ↑

Where is this being reported?
Click to expand...

forget who posted it but the link was to here
https://www.reddit.com/r/FloridaGators/comments/7ecxt0/matt_corral/

ShortBusGator · Nov 20, 2017

wargunfan said: ↑

Never EVER get that stuff on your private parts. It will have you burning for the next hour no matter what you do to get rid of it. Other than that it works.
Click to expand...

....Slowly puts down the porn and weird new lube the wife left on th back of the toilet...

Thanks for the warning. What? No reason, just, I mean, I’ll keep that in mind...

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